I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
