hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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