Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
