this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
