when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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