Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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