you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
