All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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