can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude i'm inner monologue high
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?