Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.