i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??