Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
