I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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