She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
