The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I still have a little drunk in my system
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
