oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
