My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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