i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
