Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
