How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
