My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
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The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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