Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
