is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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