My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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