just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
