i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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