My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
