On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I deserve this hangover.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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