Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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