i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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