I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
