i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
