is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Randomize
