when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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