You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
