I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are