You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.