haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Someone came in the potted fern
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.