I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great