i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
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If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
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Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.