My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
