They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize