if you like me you must not know who I am
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
