I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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