Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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