The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
