I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
