dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
