I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
