I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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