I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
