Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
