she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
