Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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