I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
