somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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