it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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