Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
