And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
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I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
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just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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