Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
