I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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