I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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