I can feel you judging me through the phone.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
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Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
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You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
soo... how was my night?
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