There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
