Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
