I wanna bring you to show and tell
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
