I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
