9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
