Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
