there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
