Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
