Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
