I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Sorry about my life...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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