remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
