The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
