Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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