My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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