so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
